May 09
18
An Apology Letter From A Dick (Me)
A big thank you to the love of my life Carmen for being cool enough and humoring me posting this story. By me telling this tale, she says there is hope for me yet. Love ya babe.
Yesterday while at the grocery store, I ran into a girl I dated 16 years ago in high school. (My close friends might remember her, but I won’t publish her name out of respect….and a little fear.) No words were exchanged, only a look. From me, the look was ‘I should know you, wait a minute, you’re……..oh boy’. From her the look was ‘Oh My God. Of all the people to run into, just look back at your cheese and pretend you didn’t see him. Oh crap, he’s looking at me. Act like you don’t know him, stop blushing, STOP BLUSHING!!!! Walk away quickly, but don’t make it look like it.’
With food in hand, I walked back to Carmen and the cart. On the way, something happened. An immense sense of guilt came over me. Guilt for the way I treated this woman towards the end of our relationship. Guilt for the way I broke up with her. Guilt for what I did to her the day after I dumped her. Before I tell you what I did, let me preface it by saying I’m a dick. I wasn’t always this way. I used to be the “nice guy”. Yes, it’s hard to believe. But, years of being the “nice guy” tend to take their toll, and somewhere around the age of 14, I slowly started my transition. My journey into “dickhead-hood” was complete somewhere around my 16th birthday with the culmination of this story. Again, I warn you, I was a huge dick and this girl did not deserve what I did at all (although at the time I thought she did).
So “grocery-store woman” and I dated for around nine months my sophomore year of high school. I went to her school dances, she went to mine. We went to the movies, hung out with each others friends, we were close. And then something happened. Like Stallone in Over The Top, I flipped some switch that made me a total dick. Things were starting to slow down as all young relationships do, and one day I decided to break up with her…..over the phone.
Guys, breaking up over the phone, especially after a nine-month relationship, is not a cool thing to do. My blood type went from O-Positive to Summers Eve the second I did that. Real douche baggy thing to do. I should have had the class, and balls to do it in person.
That wasn’t the worst part. The next night, I took a date to this girls place of employment (she was a waitress) knowing she was working. Feel free to throw virtual tomatoes, call me names, whatever you want. I deserve it. I’m not asking for understanding or anything, it was a stupid thing to do and I’ve felt bad about it everyday since. I think what happened was I really cared for this girl and was afraid of being shit on, as always happens to the “nice guy”, so I dumped her before she could dump and hurt me.
It was a double date, and for the life of me I can’t remember who the other couple was, but needless to say the look on her face was one of total emotional distress and pain. I was such an enormous dick, that it actually amused me at the time. I can’t imagine the amount of damage I may have caused with that one, idiotic action.
Seeing her yesterday brought back that memory and made me feel horrible. After telling Carmen who I saw, I looked around the store for her so I could tell her sorry. Not to ask forgiveness, just to tell her I’m sorry for what I did and that there was no excuse for my actions. Alas, she was nowhere to be found. I can’t say I blame her, I wouldn’t want to talk to me either after something like that.
I’m not sure how to end this post, so I’ll just say “grocery-store woman”, if by some chance you’re reading this post, I’m sorry. I hope you were able to find someone that treats you better than I did.
A little about me: My name is Frank Barrett. I am a husband, father of two great boys, and a computer guy. Three things I hold dear: my family, my country, and the Dallas Cowboys. 
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